GUEST POST: The Fight For Life

GUEST POST Written by: April McDonald-Taha

I had walked away from the Lord, and taken for granted this sacred grace that was ingrained in me from very young. I was youthful and spirited, running around drinking, partying and meeting men for the sake of fun. It was not an ideal lifestyle but I thought it was fun, I found myself lonely most if the time, I buried myself in work and any other chance I had I was out taking life for granted.

I found myself pregnant and unmarried and struggling to find meaning in my life. I married the father of my baby, convinced that was the love I was missing. We continued on like we knew what we were doing. We bought a house and cars, worked a normal life, but I still felt empty.

I visited a church on occasion to search for God but I just couldn’t find him. I remember standing at the alter after I had my daughter saying, “God please make me feel alive again. I feel numb and dead inside. Spark something in me!”

The next year, I found out I was pregnant again, this time with my son. At 20 weeks we found out he had a severe heart condition. I found myself thinking, “How could my life get any worse?”

I already was fighting to feel alive and now this. I fell apart, literally at every seam. I couldn’t look at anyone, nothing could make me happy. I hated my life.

When my son was born, he had so much struggle just to exist! Never mind trying to make meaning of it all yet. He had surgery after surgery… so much pain and suffering… he is blind and cannot hear, yet he could smile. His smile would come from joy within.

I started to think about why I was so sorry for myself. I started to be filled with appreciation for the graces God had given me, that up until then I was so selfish to see. That’s when I realized God had given me what I asked for.

I felt alive again!

Not like before… even more. I had been given so much through my son’s suffering that I was full. Not just full overflowing.

I find myself fighting for his life, but I can’t help but tell everyone around me how faithful God has been, how I now feel alive because of this precious gift God had given me, and how all that he has suffered through, has helped me learn. And I am thankful for my life now. God has blown me out of the water with how alive I am.

I am full of life, God is love.

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