Written by Char Groen
In my previous blog, I Was the ‘Other’ Woman (Part 1), I shared about a time in my life where I was in involved in adultery. I was unable to walk away but knew if I didn’t, I was heading straight into a nervous breakdown. I needed it to end!!!
In my pain and desperation, I once again, cried out to God. I found someone to listen!! I ratted myself out…finally!!! As the words spilled from my mouth, I felt a weight lift.
The affair ended but the shame, condemnation, self-hatred, guilt, and insecurity continued…was there hope for healing? Could I ever escape the torment endlessly playing in my mind and emotions? I felt hopeless.
A journey began of making things right with people; I asked for forgiveness from those involved and took responsibility for my part. I made things right with my God and asked for forgiveness. The one I couldn’t forgive was myself.
I longed for my past to be left behind but there was a brokenness inside that clung to me. I was so messed up!!!
While in college, I wrote a research paper on the topic of ‘child sexual abuse’ and as I was reading, my eyes widened and tears started to run down my face. I was in shock; I was reading about my life. I felt an overwhelming sense of shame and being exposed and at the same time, a rush of freedom.
For the first time, I understood ‘why’ I was sexually promiscuous. It did not excuse my behavior; I made choices, devastating ones at that!!!!
Maybe there was hope for healing this broken heart and life of mine!!!
There is no way I can share about my journey to healing without sharing that it was completely by encountering the love of God through Jesus. The Jesus that I had heard about since I was a little girl, the One who died for me and took on Himself my pain, my sin, my shame, and my brokenness. I came face to face with the reality of what Jesus did for ME!!!! I was expecting rejection but found only love.
It was a journey of coming to realize that there were so many things that I believed about myself that were lies. No one as a child thinks, hmm, when I grow up I want to become an adulterer. There were events and circumstances that occurred in my life that caused a breach (a crack or fracture) in the wall that protected my innocence as a child and teenager. I had to choose to face the lies and replace it with the truth of what God says about me in the Bible. Only God can heal a broken heart! Only God can heal damaged emotions!! Only God, through Jesus, can set us free.
I heard a phrase years ago that stated, ‘you are as sick as your secrets’. I carried secrets for years and they did make me sick, but thankfully, I no longer have any. I am healed!!! I am free and am no longer bound by the mistakes of my past.
One of my favorite passages, 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW creation; old things have passed away, behold, ALL things have become NEW.” That’s incredible!! If God says my past is done then IT IS DONE!! Now that’s LOVE!!!!!
Maybe you’re wondering why I shared this part of my life. I believe there are people who are carrying baggage from their past who desperately desire freedom and healing but have been kept silent by shame, guilt, condemnation or maybe you have been hurt by an unfaithful spouse and need healing or maybe you may still need to release forgiveness.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve done!! God doesn’t have this hierarchy of sin the way people often do. The same love that completely transformed my life can also transform yours. It’s worth it!!
I am loved!! I am free!!