GUEST POST: I Wanted to Die

Guest Post by Jen Degner.

By the time I was 8 years old I had been molested by two different men, one of whom was my father. My home environment was filled with addictions and left me feeling very alone. Sadness and worry consumed my life from a very young age. I didn’t want to live, and would have given anything to go to sleep and never wake up again.

When the mental health issues became too much I was put into therapy around age 13. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, social phobia, OCD and insomnia, to name the main ones. Medication and therapy were presented as my only way out of these problems. Therapy began and so did the various medications. I felt a lot of side effects from the various pills that were prescribed over the years. I didn’t like the meds, they really never made me feel better. Some would numb me out from life but never truly helped me. However, I felt they were the only way I could ever be normal and became depended on them as crutch.

Sleeping pills, anti-depressants/anti-anxiety, sedation medication, many different combos at many different times. I lost count of how many different medications, from the mild ones like welbutrin, to the extreme like lythium, nothing worked. What would it take? When I was 27 I tried Marijuana for the first time. This did more for me than any med I had ever tried, I became addicted almost instantly. The combination of anti-depressants, sedation medication and Marijuana became my favorite cocktail. I embraced the numbness and continued on like that for about the next year and half. I was done with life and wanted out.

Then… I was presented with one last option from a new woman I met. She offered me Jesus. What did I have to lose? I never knew God and decided to go for it and began my journey. Since beginning a personal relationship with God in April 2013 my life has changed forever.

After 17 years on medications, I am medication free! The drug addiction I struggled with is done. I feel joy and happiness for the first time in my life and no longer want to die. I have value and am getting to know myself as the new creation God made me to be. My eyes are open to things I never knew exsisted; joy, happiness, acceptance, forgiveness, healing and most of all love. I have loving, supportive people in my life and most importantly I have a loving Father now, one who offers pure never-ending love.

Jen D

Jen Degner

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